I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear A rather strange idea, I see everything from here. I just popped in to visit, your stores to find a card A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.
There must be some mistake I thought, I saw every card you could imagine Except I could not find a card, from a child who lives in heaven.
She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she’s cried.
I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know That though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.
She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too, Memories are our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?
My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight. She writes poems to honor me, s sometimes far into the night
She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.
So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth. She needs to be honored, and remembered too Just as the children of earth will do.
Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you’ll do your best I have done all I can do; to you I’ll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.
For me, life after loss is strange. it’s full of crying, awkward i’m sorry’s, and people trying to tip toe around your emotions so they don’t really have to listen to them.
You don’t get pregnant and think it’s going to end like that. You get pregnant and expect a baby not a tragedy . You think that your life is going to change in a positive way. Having a pregnancy loss changes you in so many ways. But in my eyes, not one of them were positive. Here I sit almost two years after my loss and i’m still broken. I still lay awake at night and think about how my life was supposed to turn out. How I was supposed to be happy. And now everything is changed. After I had my loss I honestly didn’t think that I could go on. I was scared and depressed. I didn’t care about anything. I pushed everybody away. I didn’t want to talk to or see anybody. And when I did have to see people, it was very awkward. Because people were uncomfortable. They didn’t know what to say to me.
life after loss is slow. lonely at times. hard to deal with. scary. emotional. mentally and physically draining. filled with headaches (from all the crying) It’s a very hard thing to go through. But you have to move through it. Life goes on and you don’t want to be left behind.
I think it’s strange when people say that “it’s in god’s plan” and “everything happens for a reason” because I can’t think of one good reason for my baby being dead. There is no good reason. Not one good thing has come out of this. I didn’t learn some big life lesson. I didn’t have some sort of big epiphany. And I didn’t come out stronger on the other side. I’m still as lost and as broken as the day I came home from the hospital. And why would it be in god’s plan for me to be broken? I don’t know if that makes me less of a christian for saying that. But it’s kind of hard to keep your faith when everything that is good in your life is just going to hell.
Goodness, i’m missing my old life, way back when everything made sense
When i was beaming with happiness
When life seemed so simple
When I actually had friends
And when I thought I knew how my life was going to turn out
I had just found out I was pregnant and life was just lovely
Why can’t I go back to this moment of pure bliss?
When is it going to be my turn to be happy again?
I’m sick of living in this shit life
With no real friends
And no happy endings
I didn’t ask for this
I’m so tired
I’m tired of hurting
I’m tired of remembering
It hurts, it physically hurts me
I don’t want to have to feel this pain anymore
I lye in bed and cry myself to sleep most nights on the phone with my boyfriend
Whenever i think i’m getting closer to recovery
Whenever i think everything is going to fall into place
Everything starts falling apart and i’m back at day one
Laying in that hospital bed when they first told me that i was going to have a miscarriage
It’s hard to believe that he’s supposed to be one year old today. It’s hard to believe that all this time has passed. It’s hard to believe that I’ve survived. I’ve come so far since last may it seems like it was so long ago, yet I can still remember everything as if it were yesterday.
happy birthday, Aiden. I love you more than anything. I’m only wishing you were here so everybody else could be celebrating your birthday with me. missing you always.
The days are starting to pass so quickly. It’s nearly November already. It’s killing me all this time is passing and you’re not here to see it with me, like you should be. You should be here to see the seasons changing. Next month would have been your first birthday. We would be throwing you a wonderful birthday party with all our family. Your aunts and uncles. Grandparents. It would have been lovely. Instead i’ll be celebrating alone. Because i’m almost one hundred percent sure that nobody will remember. I miss you more than anything, my love. I just really wish that I would have had the chance to be your mother.
"There is no greater tragedy in life than the loss of a child. Unfortunately, because our babies live only within our wombs or they live outside of the womb for a short period of time, an uneducated society often minimizes the importance of their short lives and, in turn, our grief is trivialized."